


I Loved You

by snwucult



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, Heavy Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-23 13:14:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14333208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snwucult/pseuds/snwucult
Summary: Jihoon loves Soonyoung, Soonyoung knows, he cared, he loves Jihoon, but soonyoung... loves someone?





	I Loved You

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: this is your baby-author saying hi, please bare with me for this will be my first time. I hope you will like it uwu.

* * *

_**I Loved You** _

* * *

 

Jihoon knows something is not right. He has been feeling sick since last week, he couldn't catch up with choreos. He can't be sick, there will be a comeback soon. He clearly doesn't want to ask soonyoung for help, he'd be too curious and won't let Jihoon work until morning.

He continued writing songs at 2AM in his studio. Everybody else is sleeping, except one person. Jihoon didn't know. This time, he's really feeling sick, it feels like something is stuck inside his lungs and he can't just breathe properly. He tried tapping his chest thinking maybe he's just choking or something.

Before he rushed to the restroom, Soonyoung came barging in his studio with a wide smile painted on his face.

"I'm done with the choreography!" he announced. Jihoon was flustered. He must not know. But how? Once Jihoon opened his mouth he knows something will come out.

"Jihoon, are you still not feeling well?" Soonyoung worriedly asked.

Before Jihoon could even speak, he immediately ran into the nearest sink since there was no restroom inside his studio. Soonyoung ran after him, and there he himself witnessed.

Jihoon continuously coughed. He didn't bother opening his eyes. But still he could feel the soft texture of a petal.

After vomitting a number of petal he finally opened his eyes with soonyoung supporting his back.

It was, a combination of lily and rose. Expressing regret and sorrow, but it has gratitude and pure love.

Jihoon sighed, questioning himself why of all the people who can witness this situation, why does it have to be the guy he loves?

"Wow..." that's all Soonyoung can say. He's amazed, and somewhat, very worried.

"I'm so sorry that you have to--" Soonyoung cuts Jihoon's word.

"Shh. Jihoon, why does it have to end up like this?" He asked.

Idiot, Jihoon thought.

Jihoon shrugged. Pretending he didn't know why, how and who.

"Soonyoung, let's not tell anyone... please." Jihoon pleaded whilr holding Soonyoung's hand. Jihoon has to pretend that it's not Soonyoung.

Soonyoung looked straight into his eyes.

"I'll protect you." He said pulling Jihoon into a tight hug.

Soonyoung knows how scared Jihoon is. He's the most closest member to Jihoon. He wants to protect the boy.

x

"Let's consult the doctor, Ji!" Soonyoung suggested.

They are alone again in Jihoon's studio. The others thought they would have a talk about the comeback bu the real this is that they are thinking of a possible way to get rid of Jihoon's sickness

"No way!" Jihoon refused. He knew what it was, he knew it was hanahaki, and he knew it is Soonyoung.

Soonyoung groans as he search what kind of illness Jihoon is having.

"There I saw it! That's hanahaki!" Soonyoung exclaimed. Jihoon rolled his eyes. Everybody knows about that how come Soonyoung had to search it up before knowing?

"Who's the lucky guy?" Jihoon choked. Of course, Soonyoung is the guy who else could it be?

But Jihoon just shrugged.

"Ji...that's a very dangerous sickness, you have to see the doctor.." Soonyoung became serious afterwards. Jihoon couldn't help but cry. Soonyoung ran towards him and faced him.

"I don't know what else to do, Soonyoung..." he teared up a little.

Soonyoung cupped his face, Jihoon was rather thankful that it was Soonyoung who witnessed everything. If it wasn't Soonyoung, Jihoon would end up dying in sorrow.

"I'm glad it's you who witnessed those flowers." Jihoon said.

"I'm glad too, but how can I be a help? You won't tell me who it is, Ji." Soonyoung retorted.

"You doesn't have to know Soons. I'm pretty sure we can't be together." Jihoon's face dropped.

Soonyoung's heart aches but he didn't know why. He pulled Jihoon into tight hug.

x

It was sunday, they were all together in the practice room. Everyone is present. Jihoon is not yet well, but his illness is not getting much worse.

Because he is receiving a lot of attention from Soonyoung, that's why.

Soonyoung would never left Jihoon's side because he's really worried that Jihoon might cough without him knowing, what if Jihoon pass out while vomitting, Soonyoung thought.

Everyone gathered together in a circle. They are having spin the bottle. The bottle points at seungkwan, he looked misserable knowing the his hyungs would make him look stupid again.

Everybody laughed, Jihoon as well, but kind of choke and coughed...but his disease occured and now, everyone witnessed. How he brings out same flower, but now, with a lot more blood.

Soonyoung covered Jihoon as he continuously cough. Everyone was left stunned. They were all in shock.

Jihoon stopped coughing and Soonyoung hugged Jihoon very very very tight, he almost cried. He doesn't want to see Jihoon suffering like that.

Everybody helped Jihoon to clean up. They didn't bother asking, Soonyoung banned them from asking and told them that he would explain later.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck" Jihoon thought. Now everyone knows. He's fucked up.

He hid himself inside his room with seungkwan who's incharge of taking care of Jihoon, the rest are all cleaning up outside.

"Hyung, what was.." Seungkwan cut his words and sighed. "That's Soonyoung hyung. Don't deny it."

How did he know? Jihoon thought.

"Your illness is stable because Soonyoung hyung knows and he cared a lot, it does not get any worse. Right?" Jihoon nodded. Seungkwan is right. He explained it so well. That's the main idea.

Soonyoung went to Jihoon's room eyes telling Seungkwan he needs to talk to Jihoon.

Jihoon's eyes did not met Soonyoung's. He can't. He's very shy. Everyone knew already, how can ge possibly be alright?

"I have to explain everything to them Ji, they are all confused." Soonyoung said sitting beside him on his bed.

Jihoon sighed. "I'm such a disturbance." he said.

Soonyoung shook his head negating Jihoon's statement.

"I'm alright with it, I'm happy doing all of this for you." Soonyoung hold his hand.

Jihoon thought that his disease won't last long since he is receiving much love from Soonyoung.

"I'll explain everything to them, rest here." Soonyoung said tapping his hands as he go out again and told Seungkwan to take care of Jihoon.

Everyone else gathered without Jihoon and Seungkwan.

Soonyoung explained everything he knows.

They were all in shock. They didn't know it could end up with this.

"We can't tell the manager yet, he'll force Jihoon to go on a surgery." Seungcheol explained. Everyone else agreed.

"He won't be able to write songs if that happened." Jeonghan said. They could not disagree. That's a fact.

x

Jihoon was strolling around alone. Soonyoung have to do something for a while.

He questioned himself, why?

Soonyoung cares a lot about him, but why? It's been how many months. They already looked like a couple when they're around. But the petals won't just stop coming out of his mouth.

Is it because we haven't confessed to each other yet? Jihoon thought.

Jihoon's mind is floating.

He did not notice there was someone beside him. Wonwoo.

"H-hey." Jihoon approached. Wonwoo looked at him straight in the eyes and smiled, but it wasn't just a smiled. It's a sad smile.

"I'm so sorry." Wonwoo out of the blue, apologized.

"For what??" Jihoon did not know anything, and obviously did not noticed anything.

"You'll know soon. It's not my thing to say it." Wonwoo patted his head and left him. Again, his mind is floating.

Jihoon started to think like a paranoid girlfriend, thinking that it has been so long but why do they still don't have label.

The boy is really, really afraid to die like that. But he's more afraid if he'll live having no feelings especially to his Soonyoungie.

One night, Soonyoung had a talk with Jihoon. He did not know until this night came.

""Jihoon, tell me, is it really me?" Soonyoung directly questioned Jihoon.

"Ha! Who the hell told you that? Hahaha!" Infact, Jihoon is laughing desperately. He badly wants to say, "Yes. Yes it's you. Can we be together?" But, no.

"Well, the members said it could be me, since I'm so close with you. And Jihoon. I'm not a numb person to--"

"Then why the hell are we not labeled yet?" Jihoon asked. The bot was in shock of what he just said. They both are. But later on, Soonyoung gave Jihoon an apologetic gaze.

"I..I'm inlove..." he said holding Jihoon's hand so tight. "With..somebody else."

"Fuck," Jihoon muttered.

"I'm so sorry Jihoon, for goodness sake I don't know how to say it I'm—" Soonyoung cut himself, he knows how hard it might have been for Jihoon.

"Why did you even comfort me in the first place you could've just let me die!" Jihoon retorted almost throwing away Soonyoung.

He hated it. He hated how he love Soonyoung so much he could barely die.

They are both crying. Jihoon is hurt for having one-sided love, Soonyoung is very guilty knowing he could be the reason why Jihoon is in so much pain.

"I swear to God Jihoon, I tried. I tried so hard to pay back all the love I'm receivibf but fuck it, I just can't—"

"Shh.. Soons, that's enough." Jihoon shushed Soonyoung with his index finger against the boy's lips.

"You've done enough..." he muttered.

"No..no..Jihoon, I'm so sorry, I'm really sorry." There's so much pain and guiltiness painted on Soonyoung's eyes.

"You've prolong my life, I love you so much. But I can't force you. Don't live like me. It's so hard."

Jihoon must be so angry right now, but this is the only chance he can say this words. He's so afraid he could not say it anymore.

"Jihoon, If I could just... unlove him, I'm gonna choose you, so—" Jihoon shook his head.

"Soonyoung don't be like that. Wonwoo deserves you and I don't. I'll engrave you in my heart the most." A tear fell against Jihoon's eyes.

Soonyoung cupped Jihoon's face and kissed his forehead.

"I love you, Kwon Soonyoung."

"If I can turn back the time, there, I'll say, I love you too, Jihoonie."

Jihoon smiled, that was.. sincere.

x

Jihoon got bed ridden in the hospital after a few weeks. His heart is so broken that every flower that comes out in his mouth is little by little becoming larger and larger.

Soonyoung on the other hand cannot stop blaming himself for what he had done.

Until, Jihoon's last minute.

Soonyoung is holding his hands. Jihoon's lips is so pale. Jihoon did not want to go along with the surgery, since his illness can't be cure anymore. It's too...late.

All the members have talked to them and send their farewells except Soonyoung. They are all outside. Crying non-stop.

  
"Did you ever get tired?" Soonyoung asked still never letting go of Jihoon's hand.

It may seem rude that Soonyoung is facing Jihoon but for Jihoon, it's the most precious thing before he die. To be in front of the guy whom he loooove the most.

"Of what? Of loving you?" Soonyoung turned away his gaze. He's hurt.

"No, bub, never. If I am, I would've just let the surgery save me but no. Loving you was... was... was like a music... that I liked so much."

"Jihoon there's one thing I wanna say..."

Jihoon wants to hear it. He wants to hear what will Soonyoung say, but he's weak.

He slightly close his eyes. He's running out of breathe.

"W-what.. is it..?"

"I...loved..."

The next thing Soonyoung heard was the long beep of the machine confirming Jihoon's death and as he looked at Jihoon he is filled with bunch of flowers.

A tear came up from his eyes.

"I loved you." he whispered.

x

It's been weeks and Soonyoung can't just stop blaming himself.

It's all my fault... he thought.

"Soonyoung..Jihoon wants you to read this." Jeonghan gave an envelope to Soonyoung.

"I think he wrote that, before..." He said and left tapping Soonyoung's head. "Hope that'll help you."

Soonyoung opened it.

Kwon Soonyoung,

Hi Soons. Uhm, this night is that night when we almost argue, lol. Can't be mad at you, I liked you so much I owe you my life. You prolonged it. You let me live, Soonyoung. Thank you. I liked it when you kissed my forehead. It feels so good even though I've always wished for your lips, but that kiss on my forehead means so much to me.

Thank you for being honest to me. That's one of the reasons why I love you so much. SO FUCKING MUCH. Im glad it's you who witnessed me puking those flowers. If it wasn't you, how long can I stay alive?

I loved you so much that I think It's enough. I don't hate you, or me or anyone. Please don't blame yourself. Please, I'm begging you. I can't bare to watch you like that here where I'll be. I know when you read this, I'm probably dead. But please, Soonyoung let me stay alive and well in you heart. I want to stay there because I did not have the chance to stay there while I'm still alive.

I love you. I'm feeling weak. My font isn't consistent anymore.

Soonyoung, I know it sounds crazy but I'm sorry, It's you whom I liked, love rather. It's you whom I will hurt, Im so sorry, it has to be you. But you know what? I know it may look selfish but I'm also happy it's you. You are a treasure I'll forever keep.

I'm gonna be happy watching you from where I am. I'll be guiding you, just look at those stars and look how they all shine. They'll all shine for you, I asked them too. Hehe.

I'm getting tired. I'm gonna go to sleep, I'll have a veeeeery very long sleep. Don't wake me up, okay? I'm in peace.

Until then, I love you, Kwon Soonyoung.

x

He smiled as he cry.

He puked and cough a little bit, but there, a small amout of blood and petals came out from his mouth.

It's a combination of Lily and Rose, again.

"I loved you too, Lee Jihoon."

긑


End file.
